insanity

all the books and doctors tell you about "mood changes" due to the increased hormones. apparently there is such a wild cocktail of hormones coursing through your veins that it's like pms on steriods. what they don't tell you is how insanely nuts you feel all the time and how hard it is to keep it all together.

my husband, bless his heart, is taking most of this in stride. he's reading all the books too, especially the ones that tell the husband your wife will be as sweet as pie one moment and a raging witch the next, for no apparent reason. it's not your fault. she's just pregnant and hormonal. so he [mostly] let it roll off his back when i blew up at him in mervyn's on saturday.

in retrospect, i do still think he acted somewhat inconsiderately. but had i been a normal (read: not pregnant) wife, this would have rolled right off my back. he might have gotten some smart remark directed his way when we left the store, to vent my frustration. but not this time - oh no. i was fuming and let him know it, right there in the store. then i stormed out of the store (with brian calling after me), got in my car, and left. then i started sobbing.

the hardest part about these "mood swings" (they are so much more than mood swings!) is that we pregnant ladies know we're being nuts and unreasonable when we go off of you guys, and yet we just can't stop ourselves. we hear those words coming out of our mouths and are appalled at ourselves. that just makes us feel more insane, because we know this isn't really us, and yet we're acting like that. most of the time [i think] i can keep my emotions in check, but when i can't, it really makes me feel insanely crazy.

we are at: 13 weeks.