mama recommends: watch your language

in my spare time (hah!) i've been immersed in this:


how babies talk: the magic and mystery of language in the first three years of life by robera michnick golinkoff and kathy hirsh-pasek. it's so interesting to find out about how the kiddo's brain will develop and how she'll progress from being this helpless little baby into a little talking person - and what we can do to influence and aid that process. highly recommended.

gdiapers

if you're at all interested in cloth diapering, pop on over to my friend jaimey's blog and get in touch with her about gdiapers' everyday g's contest. i've never used gdiapers and i'm excited for the chance to try them out. i love that the liner is flushable and compostable as well - green and convenient.

update: if you have never tried gdiapers, now is the time! i ordered mine and am SO excited for them to come so i can start using them. i'll give a full report when we start, which will not be until kiddo hits 13 lbs. though, to fit into the medium size that we ordered. (she's already 11½ lbs. so it won't be long.) in the meantime, use coupon code g628Buquet to get $30 off a 6-pack of everyday g's. that's 44% savings! awesome!

speaking of green and convenient, we've been trying different brands and so far my favorite disposable diapers are made by nature babycare. we are still in 'sposies as we currently only have two cloth diapers that work without leaking. my mother is sewing up a storm down south and hopefully we'll be able to transition into cloth full-time when she comes up to visit in a couple weeks. in the meantime, the nature babycare are pretty nice as far as 'sposies go. much nicer than the huggies pure & natural that had previously held first place. according to the package and the website, the nature babycare are also compostable/degradable, so i feel [marginally] less guilty about throwing them out.

my problem with 'sposies is not just the impact on the environment but also just the sheer waste - i pay all this money for something the kiddo is just going to poop and pee in, and then i throw that money in the garbage with the poop. it just kills me. even more so when we have times like last night, when i took off her diaper for her bath and discovered that she had barely used it. a tiny bit of poop and pee. of course, i can't put that back on her, so in the trash it goes and i didn't even get my money's worth of poop- and pee-holding-capability. so, keep your fingers crossed that we can be in cloth as soon as possible, it will save my sanity.

donate!

i'm becoming a milk donor!

i'm very excited. i've always wanted to donate blood; i appreciate the need but can't get past the needle aspect. i've always had a donor sticker on my driver's license. now, i recently found out about milk donation - something i can do easily and painlessly. yippee!

we're just at the beginning - it seems to be quite a process. i had to get pre-screened and then fill out an application and get my ob and hannah's pediatrician to sign off. once that's approved, i have to take a blood test (a smaller needle and for less time than donating blood). once that comes back clear, they'll send me the supplies i need to donate the milk. it's a kind of reverse mail-order process, which is fortunate since we're about 100 miles away from the actual bank and i wouldn't relish the drive if i had to drop it off in person. i don't see why they wouldn't accept me as a donor. i'm perfectly healthy with an uneventful medical history (except for the craziness getting hannah born). i don't have any communicable diseases, or even any uncommunicable ones. as far as i can tell, i'm exactly what they're looking for.

if you have the ability, i strongly encourage you to consider milk donation yourself. it can help a baby live!

head shoulders knees and toes

so nom-able.




there's a very good chance you'll find me nibbling on my daughter. if she's not sleeping, that is.

a clothes encounter

i'm packing up my maternity clothes today! i actually could have done it sooner, but i've been lazy. blame it on the kiddo. i've lost all but 8 pounds of the weight i put on while pregnant. yay!

i had to go get new jeans though, because my pre-baby jeans just did not fit and won't really unless i lose another 10-15 pounds after the baby weight is gone. i think i was just deluding myself before that they fit. while i was at old navy looking for jeans i found a very cute top that will be great for nursing. strangely, i cannot find it online.


those gathers at the neckline are elastic so it pulls down very easily without stretching out the knit, and i think the fit is pretty universally flattering. i got two, because they are such a nice lightweight jersey and i'm very into comfy soft tops lately.

i also stopped by target last week to pick up a couple more of these nursing camis which i absolutely love. i had gotten a couple nursing bras there as well but am not a huge fan of them. specifically this one. (is it wierd to be posting about my underwear online?) it's just not as comfortable as i thought it would be. any recommendations on a comfortable nursing bra? i have not tried the medela ones yet, mostly because they are so pricey ($38) but i will splurge if anyone thinks they are worth it.

love letters: month one

dear hannah,

today you are one month old!


one down, 727 to go. that's assuming i live to be 100.

i know, i know. it's so trendy to write these monthly newsletters these days. blame it on dooce, i guess, for starting the trend. in my defense, you have your journal that i started back when i first found out i was pregnant with you. i just figure if i hold myself to [at least] monthly entries then you won't get shafted on the journalling part when life gets in the way of everything else, as always seems to happen.


you have changed so much just in the one month since you were born. you are so much rounder now than when you were born, and so much pinker instead of the frustrated red you were when we were in the hospital. you are so much more alert as well, and trying to do so much. you are getting so good at holding up your head, especially when i put you on your tummy on the floor. and your little legs and feet work at the blanket, as if you are trying to figure out the whole walking thing - or at least crawling! - and can't. you seem so frustrated by not being mobile and self-propelling. all i can say is, don't worry and slow down, because there will be more than enough time for all of that. before you know it you will be crawling all around the house with your father and i racing behind you trying to childproof everything before you end up licking a light socket or something.


mummy's little mummy

i am trying to enjoy this time with you right now, because i know you will never be this little again and i know things about you will change and disappear before i even realize it. i'm trying to memorize all those things about you, like your startle reflex, which is so cute and sweet when you fling your arms wide and your eyes bug out. your sleep grins, in which i can see how sunny of a baby you will be when you really learn how to smile in response to us. the noise you make when you feed, all the coos and sighs and grunts as if you are having your own private conversation with yourself. (maybe you will grow up to be a food critic?) the chuffing sounds you make when you sleep. and how last week, you farted so strong and loud that it shocked your father and me and we got up to make sure everything was okay in your bassinet. then you smiled and sighed as if you had really needed that release and MAN did it ever feel good. daddy and i just about died laughing, it was so wonderful.


i'll be honest with you, this month has been pretty difficult on your dad and me. me especially, because i am your primary caregiver at the moment and also because i'm so hormonal still. the doctor says i'll be hormonal for about a year and your father says i am just insane, so get used to it, kiddo. it's just been a big adjustment, going from a peaceful house where the most demanding thing was the cat wanting breakfast to a house with baby things everywhere and spit-up spots on the sofa. and don't even get me started on the sleep deprivation. in the past few days you have started with the colicky screaming; the other night you screamed for seven hours straight and were quiet only when eating. i guess it's too difficult to scream with a mouthful of boob. your screaming sorely tests the limits of my mental health, and now you're hoarse when you cry.


and your dad has been such a champ and so helpful, even if i am not always so good at noticing it or letting him know how much i appreciate the things he does.

this month we have been struggling with my grandfather's health, your great-grandpa hap, grandma pam's father. he was diagnosed with non-hodgkin's lymphoma, didn't seem to respond well to chemotherapy, and contracted sepsis. i hope you get the chance not just to meet him but for him to be part of your life, but he may be too old for that. grandma pam and i just waited too long to have kids i guess and the generation gap is just too wide - he is 91. he is an amazing man, hannah. as amazing as your father, if you can believe that. he has such a love and joy for life and is so excited for you. i knew he approved of your father when he asked me when he was going to get some great grandkids - before your dad even proposed to me! he was over the moon when i was born, the first grandchild, and when we found out we were pregnant he was thrilled again. i hope he gets the chance to meet you. he has hoped for you for so long.


your father and i have also hoped for you for so long, and we are so glad you finally arrived and that we got to meet you. no matter how difficult our time is right now, we are so thankful that you are here. i have such hopes and dreams for you: i hope you are always happy, and that your life is full of love and joy. i know it is not possible for you to never hurt, but i pray that your pains will be small and short-lived. i wish we could protect you from those inevitable hurts. i know your father and i will make mistakes, and i hope you'll forgive us. we don't mean to make them; we're doing the best we can and trying our hardest to be good parents. i hope you always have you everything you need, everything you want, everything you dream of. i promise you, sweet girl, that we will always try to make sure you have all of those things.

above all, we love you more than anything.

love,
mama

marvelling that people actually choose to do this, again and again.

i did not expect it to be this hard. everyone told me the first few weeks (months? years?) were difficult, but i didn't expect it to be this difficult. i knew i wouldn't be getting a lot of sleep, but i didn't expect to be getting this little sleep.

i didn't expect to love this little person so much it hurts. i want to protect her, make her happy, make sure she always has everything she needs and wants and dreams of. i know i can't and it breaks my heart every time i think about it.

i didn't expect to resent this little person so much. she is so needy and so much work and sometimes i just want time for me.

no one told me how much i would cherish her, nor how desperately i would want my old life back, the life we had before we got pregnant.

i didn't realize how wonderful my husband would be and how helpful. nor did anyone mention how much i would resent him for not helping more.

i expected to be hormonal and cry a lot without knowing why. i didn't expect to cry longer or harder or louder than she does, when she is in my arms and still upset in the middle of the night.

i didn't expect breastfeeding to be so hard, nor how painful engorgement would be. i didn't think it would be possible for me to have an overabundant milk supply or an overactive letdown, but i do, and it hurts.

i didn't realize how thankful i would be for the resources my medical group provides, like the free drop-in lactaction clinic with the awesome consultants, or the mommy & me network where a crying baby isn't frowned upon.

i didn't think i would be so ravenously hungry, all the time, even more so than when i was pregnant.

i didn't realize how much i would learn and how my views would change. i know now why people leave their kids in the car when they just need to run into the store quickly. i would never do it, but i understand why someone might.

no one told me how it would break my heart when she cries, or how healing her little grin would be. even though i know she doesn't know what she is doing yet when she smiles, it still fills up a place in my heart that i didn't even know was empty.

i did not expect my body to take so long to recover for childbirth, nor for the recovery to be so painful. i didn't realize i would still be bleeding four weeks later, or that my hips would still ache, or that my ribs would still hurt when i breathe.

no one mentioned that my body would feel so very strange. my insides feel loose and slippery, like the baby was holding things in place and now she is not there to do that.

i didn't realize how unselfish i could be (with respect to the baby), nor how selfish i want to be. we went to a movie the other night, sans baby, and i didn't want to go home to her - but i could never give her up.

i didn't expect to be able to function on this little sleep. i didn't realize how the days and nights would start to run together or that i would have no real concept anymore of what day of the week it is.

i knew my life would change drastically, but i didn't realize how drastically, and i didn't expect to love it and hate it so much, all at the same time.

the problem with sleeping when she sleeps

is that it puts me on her schedule instead of the other way around.

which means i'm ravenous at 2 am, and fussy and desperately in need of a nap at 5 pm.