the other day when i picked The Kiddo up from daycare, one of the older kids patted me on the hip in that sweet way kids do and told me how she played with hannah that day and hannah smiled at her, she made hannah happy. the girl addressed me as "hannah's mom, hannah's mom." i'm no longer erin, or brian's wife, or even mrs. stensler. i'm just "hannah's mom."
it's taken me some time to grow into my new role and to learn to enjoy being hannah's mom. i didn't at first. sure, i loved my baby, no doubt, but we weren't in love. others have likened having a baby to falling in love all over again, which is an apt analogy, except that for me, it takes time to fall in love. i'm not one of those fairy-tale love-at-first-sight people. and hannah was sure a cute newborn, but it wasn't love at first sight. there were more than a couple nights, expecially that first month, that i cried to brian how i didn't want this, didn't want this life, wanted my old life back, the life we had before we even thought about getting pregnant.
now, almost five months later, i can say that i am in love with my baby and mean it completely. i love being hannah's mom. i love waking up in the morning and finding her little face two inches from my own, eyes wide open with a big grin the moment she sees i'm awake. i love how she falls asleep next to me when nursing in the middle of the night and snuggles into my body. i love that just being picked up and held by mama can (usually) quiet even the most frantic, distressed cries. i love that she recognizes when i sing "you are my sunshine," and quiets down to listen to me singing to her, and smiles up at me from my arms. i love how she reaches her little hand out to pull me to her when she wants to nurse. i love how she isn't too sure about grass when we lay on the lawn and look at the clouds, but she watches me and as long as i'm okay with it, she is too. i love how she rolls her eyes back in her head, grabs my hair and giggles when i nom on her belly. i love cuddling her, kissing her, showing her new things, watching her learn and grown and smile.
i love being hannah's mom.
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4 comments:
I love you loving being her mom! Congrats!
Love is different for every pair. I'm glad you love this =)
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com
aww. sweet. Lorylei and her friends are just starting to realize that other parents have names. As for my own, she thought it was very funny 2 years ago to start calling me "Kelly", good thing that was short lived.
sarah, i have to admit, i have been a wee bit jealous of you being so in love with and in tune with charlotte, especially since it took me so long to become so entranced with hannah.
kelly, i think i went through a phase like that as a kid as well... hope hannah doesn't go through it! i remember as a kid feeling a little thrill when i found out a parent was named "susan" or something, not just "mrs. smith" or "jenny's mom." like their first name was some kind of forbidden secret. :)
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