click here to vote for hannah as the cutest baby!
i am well aware that there is a VERY fine line between entering your baby's picture in a cutest baby contest because, well, she's just SO DAMN CUTE and pimping out your kid. how do you know when you've crossed it?
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
might need to be getting out more
so, i'm going back to work in a week.
actually, less than a week. my first day back at the office is tuesday, september 1.
i'm having very mixed emotions about going back to work. on the one hand, i'm going to miss my daughter. i'm going to miss all the grinning and cooing she does during the day. i know, i'll get my fix when i come home each night, but still. and i'll miss all the things she'll learn how to do during the day while i'm at work. i mean, eight hours is a long time when you've only been out in the world for 15 weeks. what if she learns to sit up while i am at work, and i miss it? or if she crawls, or takes her first steps, or learns to fly and airplane, all while i am at work?
(fortunately, we have her in a wonderful daycare that i have no worries about. it's actually not the one i mentioned before; that one fell through, but we were able to find another that is just as wonderful, though unfortunately not as easy on our budget. and i'm not going back to work full-full-time. i'll be taking thursdays off, so i can still go to my mommy group and have an extra day with our kiddo.)
also, selfishly, it's pretty damn nice being lazy and staying in my pajamas most of the day and not having to work. and just try getting anywhere on time. it's impossible. at least while i'm not working, we have quite a large cushion of time (read: the entire day) to make it out the door to do normal things like shop for groceries and go to the bank. in one week i am going to have to try to wrangle myself AND a baby out of the house by 830a. with both of us fed, bathed, clothed, and ready for the day. it was hard enough to get myself out of the house on time BEFORE i had a baby.
on the other hand... man, i hate to say this, but it's kind of dull, taking care of an infant. it gets really boring, really fast. i mean, i love her to pieces and she's cute and all, but you can only coo and giggle and grin back at the baby so much before you go out of your head. changing diapers gets really old, really fast. so does nursing, even. i mean, we got past the troublesome beginning, the pain and the difficult latch and the overactive letdown, and now it really is all sunshine and rainbows and puppies frolicking in the meadow, the intimate emotional connection between me and my baby that i had hoped and heard it would be. but i do have those moments when i feel like, damn girl, AGAIN? you want to eat AGAIN? from me? can't you just go make yourself a sandwich already?
so, there it is. i mean, i know in the grand scheme of things i'm pretty lucky. i got to stay home with my baby for 16 weeks (by the time i go back to work), which is 2+ weeks longer than most people who continue working. we can't afford right now for me to be a sahm, but hopefully by the beginning of next year we will be able to manage without my income, or at least i can cut my hours down to three or even just two days a week. at the moment part of me doesn't want to give up my job, my independence. it's my connection to adults and adult conversation (thank heavens for mommy group too!) and helps reset my brain from baby-only.
case in point: last night brian came home and asked about my day, and i told him how we went to kohl's to return some stuff and get him some new work shirts, and she made a HUGE noisy poopy right there in the middle of men's furnishings. in her diaper, but still. and then grinned at me. i took her into the bathroom to change her, and MAN was it ever huge - her entire bottom was covered with poop - and she just continued to babble and grin at me. scintillating, no?
actually, less than a week. my first day back at the office is tuesday, september 1.
i'm having very mixed emotions about going back to work. on the one hand, i'm going to miss my daughter. i'm going to miss all the grinning and cooing she does during the day. i know, i'll get my fix when i come home each night, but still. and i'll miss all the things she'll learn how to do during the day while i'm at work. i mean, eight hours is a long time when you've only been out in the world for 15 weeks. what if she learns to sit up while i am at work, and i miss it? or if she crawls, or takes her first steps, or learns to fly and airplane, all while i am at work?
(fortunately, we have her in a wonderful daycare that i have no worries about. it's actually not the one i mentioned before; that one fell through, but we were able to find another that is just as wonderful, though unfortunately not as easy on our budget. and i'm not going back to work full-full-time. i'll be taking thursdays off, so i can still go to my mommy group and have an extra day with our kiddo.)
also, selfishly, it's pretty damn nice being lazy and staying in my pajamas most of the day and not having to work. and just try getting anywhere on time. it's impossible. at least while i'm not working, we have quite a large cushion of time (read: the entire day) to make it out the door to do normal things like shop for groceries and go to the bank. in one week i am going to have to try to wrangle myself AND a baby out of the house by 830a. with both of us fed, bathed, clothed, and ready for the day. it was hard enough to get myself out of the house on time BEFORE i had a baby.
on the other hand... man, i hate to say this, but it's kind of dull, taking care of an infant. it gets really boring, really fast. i mean, i love her to pieces and she's cute and all, but you can only coo and giggle and grin back at the baby so much before you go out of your head. changing diapers gets really old, really fast. so does nursing, even. i mean, we got past the troublesome beginning, the pain and the difficult latch and the overactive letdown, and now it really is all sunshine and rainbows and puppies frolicking in the meadow, the intimate emotional connection between me and my baby that i had hoped and heard it would be. but i do have those moments when i feel like, damn girl, AGAIN? you want to eat AGAIN? from me? can't you just go make yourself a sandwich already?
so, there it is. i mean, i know in the grand scheme of things i'm pretty lucky. i got to stay home with my baby for 16 weeks (by the time i go back to work), which is 2+ weeks longer than most people who continue working. we can't afford right now for me to be a sahm, but hopefully by the beginning of next year we will be able to manage without my income, or at least i can cut my hours down to three or even just two days a week. at the moment part of me doesn't want to give up my job, my independence. it's my connection to adults and adult conversation (thank heavens for mommy group too!) and helps reset my brain from baby-only.
case in point: last night brian came home and asked about my day, and i told him how we went to kohl's to return some stuff and get him some new work shirts, and she made a HUGE noisy poopy right there in the middle of men's furnishings. in her diaper, but still. and then grinned at me. i took her into the bathroom to change her, and MAN was it ever huge - her entire bottom was covered with poop - and she just continued to babble and grin at me. scintillating, no?
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
rise and shine!
this is pretty generally what i wake up to each morning. she can do this sometimes for forty-five minutes before she gets annoyed and starts to fuss.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
daddy's first babysitting adventure
last night went like this:
430p: slap on a little makeup before work meeting.
440p: change baby into a fresh, dry diaper.
445p: nurse baby. wait for brian to get home.
455p: brian bursts in the door from work. just in the nick of time, hannah has been saved from the horror of having to be watched by our very lovely neighbors, who are actually a little sad that they don't get to watch her.
505p: ride arrives and i leave for work meeting.
530p: arrive at work meeting. drink one pomegranate margarita. damn, that's good.
630p: meeting ends and dinner begins. drink second pomegranate margarita. surprisingly, no buzz.
735p: first call from brian. he wants to know where the diapers are. the disposables, not the cloth ones. he refuses to use the cloth ones. i changed her three hours ago and he's only just changing her NOW?? obviously, someone is not changing enough diapers.
745p: drink third margarita, a prickly pear one this time. even better than the pomegranate, if that's possible! still no buzz. sigh.
810p: second call from brian. i left him no food for hannah, he says. i remind him that the milk is in the fridge. you know, all that stuff that he complains makes our fridge look like a sperm bank. he informs me that all the bottles are in the dishwasher which is running and i remind him that there are extra bottles in the cupboard. which cupboard? the one over the sink. and how does he warm them up? i left three hours ago and he is only just feeding her NOW?? obviously, someone is not doing this enough.
815p: sadly leave restaurant, as i would have liked more margaritas and a better buzz.
845p: arrive home prepared to "pump and dump," which sucks psychologically to pour all that down the drain, but the night out is always worth it. get chewed out for not leaving husband better "prepared." fortunately baby is still alive. you win some, you lose some.
430p: slap on a little makeup before work meeting.
440p: change baby into a fresh, dry diaper.
445p: nurse baby. wait for brian to get home.
455p: brian bursts in the door from work. just in the nick of time, hannah has been saved from the horror of having to be watched by our very lovely neighbors, who are actually a little sad that they don't get to watch her.
505p: ride arrives and i leave for work meeting.
530p: arrive at work meeting. drink one pomegranate margarita. damn, that's good.
630p: meeting ends and dinner begins. drink second pomegranate margarita. surprisingly, no buzz.
735p: first call from brian. he wants to know where the diapers are. the disposables, not the cloth ones. he refuses to use the cloth ones. i changed her three hours ago and he's only just changing her NOW?? obviously, someone is not changing enough diapers.
745p: drink third margarita, a prickly pear one this time. even better than the pomegranate, if that's possible! still no buzz. sigh.
810p: second call from brian. i left him no food for hannah, he says. i remind him that the milk is in the fridge. you know, all that stuff that he complains makes our fridge look like a sperm bank. he informs me that all the bottles are in the dishwasher which is running and i remind him that there are extra bottles in the cupboard. which cupboard? the one over the sink. and how does he warm them up? i left three hours ago and he is only just feeding her NOW?? obviously, someone is not doing this enough.
815p: sadly leave restaurant, as i would have liked more margaritas and a better buzz.
845p: arrive home prepared to "pump and dump," which sucks psychologically to pour all that down the drain, but the night out is always worth it. get chewed out for not leaving husband better "prepared." fortunately baby is still alive. you win some, you lose some.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
love letters: month three
dear hannah,
today you are three months old!
that's one quarter of the way to your very first birthday. ONE QUARTER DONE WITH YOUR FIRST YEAR. can you believe you're already this old? i can't. and it only gets better from here, kiddo. before you know it you'll be turning thirty one and wondering how in the world did you get to be THIRTY ONE, and where in the world are my car keys because that downhill slide into forgetfulness starts pretty early in our family, let me tell you. boy howdy.
monster socks from aunt kerry
to say this month was exciting is kind of an understatement. besides it would get old pretty quickly because everything for you is new and exciting right now, and i think i will continue to be excited by you for the rest of my life. at any rate, it was still a pretty exciting month for you. for starters, grandma pam came and stayed with us for a long weekend and you just loved being cuddled by her. she couldn't get enough of you and i certainly appreciated a break from changing diapers. it's getting kind of old, kiddo. can you please be potty-trained soon?
this month was also your first overnight stay without us! our five year anniversary was on august 1, and you stayed with nana while daddy and i had a special night out together. we thought we would be okay, because we knew there's no one else who could take better care of you than nana (except us, of course), but we really missed you. so much so that we came back to get you a little early on sunday. i think nana was kind of disappointed by that. she was just over the moon to have you to herself for such an extended period of time. i think she would come live with us if we would let her, just so she could see you every day. don't go getting any ideas in your head because i am quite territorial.
you also had your first big trip this month - you and i drove 8 hours down south to stay with grandma pam for a week. daddy is flying down to join us in a couple days, because auntie alice is getting married at the end of the week. you have gotten lots of time in with grandma pam and have gone with me everywhere and met so many new people. you were very well behaved for alice's bridal shower the other day and everyone thought you looked so pretty in your dress. you just loved being held and loved on by all the ladies. thank you for smiling for them and making me look like a good mommy.
you finally fit into all these clothes we have for you, and boy are you ever cute, every single day. one day two weeks ago we stayed in our pajamas all day and just cuddled and nursed and read, because you looked so adorable in your sleeper, the white one with the pink trim, that i couldn't bear to take you out of it. you seemed just fine, because hey! you got to nurse all day long! and as long as you are attached to my boob, That From Which All Good Things Flow, you are a happy camper and all is right in the world.
you also had your two-month checkup this month, and your first shots. the pediatrician says you are so perfectly healthy and growing so well, which was good news to your dad and me. i knew you were growing just fine, though. after all, i'm the one who lugs your round little body up and down the stairs each day and MAN are you ever getting heavy. you did not like getting shots, of course. the nurse stuck you with the first needle and you were fine for about two seconds and then your head turned into a tomato and you screamed like nobody's business. you did not even like the oral rotavirus vaccine and tried to spit it out, just like you do sometimes when i try to give you your vitamins. some days i think it might be easier to give the vitamins to the cat.
you are figuring how to wiggle out of your swaddle most days, and just a few days ago you figured out how to roll from your back to your tummy! unfortunately, you are only doing it at night when you sleep, while you are swaddled. you are sleeping on the floor on a quilt next to me down here at grandma's, and i woke up to find you sound asleep on your belly three nights ago. when i rolled you back onto your back, you promptly rolled back over onto your belly. two nights ago i woke up three times to find you sound asleep with your nose mashed into the quilt. every time i wake up i have a minor heart attack that you've suffocated yourself, but you don't sleep more than 20 minutes unswaddled. i guess this is just a taste of what your teenage years will be like.
this month we have also been doing a lot more tummy time, and you are getting really good at holding your head up. you even grin and seem to enjoy it at first sometimes, especially when i give you a lot of verbal encouragement. you like to be cheered on, that's for sure. it's really cute to watch you scrabbling around with your hands and feet and finally push your shoulders up. you kind of look like an upside-down turtle, when they get turned on their backs and their legs wave helplessly in the air. we usually get about five good minutes in and then you start to melt down, though i usually make you stay there for another minute or two after you start fussing because i don't want you to learn that you can fuss your way out of the hard things in life.
i'm sorry that i do that, even though it is for your own good. it breaks my heart to listen to you crying and watch you so frustrated and upset. i'm sorry for all the awful things in life that you have to endure, shots and dirty diapers and 8 hours stuck in your carseat and bored. i'm sorry i have to pull clothes over your head and swaddle you and that sometimes i have to do things like laundry and cook dinner and you can't be attached to me 24/7. it's frustrating but ultimately it's sad, because i know that before long you'll be fourteen and won't want to have anything to do with me, and all i will be able to see is the baby who grins up at me when i rescue her from the loneliness of her crib.
i love you, my banana.
love,
mama
today you are three months old!
that's one quarter of the way to your very first birthday. ONE QUARTER DONE WITH YOUR FIRST YEAR. can you believe you're already this old? i can't. and it only gets better from here, kiddo. before you know it you'll be turning thirty one and wondering how in the world did you get to be THIRTY ONE, and where in the world are my car keys because that downhill slide into forgetfulness starts pretty early in our family, let me tell you. boy howdy.
monster socks from aunt kerry
to say this month was exciting is kind of an understatement. besides it would get old pretty quickly because everything for you is new and exciting right now, and i think i will continue to be excited by you for the rest of my life. at any rate, it was still a pretty exciting month for you. for starters, grandma pam came and stayed with us for a long weekend and you just loved being cuddled by her. she couldn't get enough of you and i certainly appreciated a break from changing diapers. it's getting kind of old, kiddo. can you please be potty-trained soon?
this month was also your first overnight stay without us! our five year anniversary was on august 1, and you stayed with nana while daddy and i had a special night out together. we thought we would be okay, because we knew there's no one else who could take better care of you than nana (except us, of course), but we really missed you. so much so that we came back to get you a little early on sunday. i think nana was kind of disappointed by that. she was just over the moon to have you to herself for such an extended period of time. i think she would come live with us if we would let her, just so she could see you every day. don't go getting any ideas in your head because i am quite territorial.
you also had your first big trip this month - you and i drove 8 hours down south to stay with grandma pam for a week. daddy is flying down to join us in a couple days, because auntie alice is getting married at the end of the week. you have gotten lots of time in with grandma pam and have gone with me everywhere and met so many new people. you were very well behaved for alice's bridal shower the other day and everyone thought you looked so pretty in your dress. you just loved being held and loved on by all the ladies. thank you for smiling for them and making me look like a good mommy.
you finally fit into all these clothes we have for you, and boy are you ever cute, every single day. one day two weeks ago we stayed in our pajamas all day and just cuddled and nursed and read, because you looked so adorable in your sleeper, the white one with the pink trim, that i couldn't bear to take you out of it. you seemed just fine, because hey! you got to nurse all day long! and as long as you are attached to my boob, That From Which All Good Things Flow, you are a happy camper and all is right in the world.
you also had your two-month checkup this month, and your first shots. the pediatrician says you are so perfectly healthy and growing so well, which was good news to your dad and me. i knew you were growing just fine, though. after all, i'm the one who lugs your round little body up and down the stairs each day and MAN are you ever getting heavy. you did not like getting shots, of course. the nurse stuck you with the first needle and you were fine for about two seconds and then your head turned into a tomato and you screamed like nobody's business. you did not even like the oral rotavirus vaccine and tried to spit it out, just like you do sometimes when i try to give you your vitamins. some days i think it might be easier to give the vitamins to the cat.
you are figuring how to wiggle out of your swaddle most days, and just a few days ago you figured out how to roll from your back to your tummy! unfortunately, you are only doing it at night when you sleep, while you are swaddled. you are sleeping on the floor on a quilt next to me down here at grandma's, and i woke up to find you sound asleep on your belly three nights ago. when i rolled you back onto your back, you promptly rolled back over onto your belly. two nights ago i woke up three times to find you sound asleep with your nose mashed into the quilt. every time i wake up i have a minor heart attack that you've suffocated yourself, but you don't sleep more than 20 minutes unswaddled. i guess this is just a taste of what your teenage years will be like.
this month we have also been doing a lot more tummy time, and you are getting really good at holding your head up. you even grin and seem to enjoy it at first sometimes, especially when i give you a lot of verbal encouragement. you like to be cheered on, that's for sure. it's really cute to watch you scrabbling around with your hands and feet and finally push your shoulders up. you kind of look like an upside-down turtle, when they get turned on their backs and their legs wave helplessly in the air. we usually get about five good minutes in and then you start to melt down, though i usually make you stay there for another minute or two after you start fussing because i don't want you to learn that you can fuss your way out of the hard things in life.
i'm sorry that i do that, even though it is for your own good. it breaks my heart to listen to you crying and watch you so frustrated and upset. i'm sorry for all the awful things in life that you have to endure, shots and dirty diapers and 8 hours stuck in your carseat and bored. i'm sorry i have to pull clothes over your head and swaddle you and that sometimes i have to do things like laundry and cook dinner and you can't be attached to me 24/7. it's frustrating but ultimately it's sad, because i know that before long you'll be fourteen and won't want to have anything to do with me, and all i will be able to see is the baby who grins up at me when i rescue her from the loneliness of her crib.
i love you, my banana.
love,
mama
Monday, August 3, 2009
in which i give away hannah's lifeblood
i just sent off my first milk donation, approximately 220 ounces (44 5-ounce bags) which is everything i had in my freezer from june and july. i am so excited to have done this and cannot wait for next month when i can send off another batch, whatever extra i pump during august.
brian did not exactly understand why i would donate milk and who would need it. i explained that it could save a baby's life, because there are babies who have been abandoned at birth or whose mothers die (heaven forbid); mothers who are seriously ill with things like cancer, aids, or hepatitis, or have other health issues that prevent them from nursing their babies; premature or sick infants who need breastmilk but for whatever reason cannot get it from their mothers. there are mothers who have multiples, especially higher-order multiples, who simply cannot produce enough milk to adequately feed their babies. i pointed out to him that if something were to happen to me (heaven forbid), i would want hannah to continue to be "breastfed" with donor milk, because i strongly believe that is the best thing for her.
if you have the ability, please consider donating yourself. it's easy, painless, and can save a baby's life.
brian did not exactly understand why i would donate milk and who would need it. i explained that it could save a baby's life, because there are babies who have been abandoned at birth or whose mothers die (heaven forbid); mothers who are seriously ill with things like cancer, aids, or hepatitis, or have other health issues that prevent them from nursing their babies; premature or sick infants who need breastmilk but for whatever reason cannot get it from their mothers. there are mothers who have multiples, especially higher-order multiples, who simply cannot produce enough milk to adequately feed their babies. i pointed out to him that if something were to happen to me (heaven forbid), i would want hannah to continue to be "breastfed" with donor milk, because i strongly believe that is the best thing for her.
if you have the ability, please consider donating yourself. it's easy, painless, and can save a baby's life.
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