i'm trying very hard not to feel guilty about having requested more pain meds at this morning's doctor appointment. seems we are making a daily pilgrimage to the clinic for one reason or another these days - brian had an eye appointment, hannah has her weight issues, and me - well, i'm just a mess. as if labor and delivery weren't enough, i now also have a urinary tract infection. joy!
before we left the hospital my doctor wrote me a prescription for norco, which is similar to vicodin but has less acetaminophen. it's working well at controlling the pain from my cesarean, but i was down to the last couple pills, and when i slept through my reminder alarm and woke up in quite a bit of pain i decided that maybe now was not quite the best time to try to wean myself off of it. i'd rather not be taking highly addictive narcotics, but i'd rather more not experience the pain just yet. i've just had major abdominal surgery, thank you very much. i don't understand these women who go through this postpartum recovery basically without pain meds. one of my girlfriends only took vicodin for the first day after all three of her cesareans. another took only ibuprofen afterwards. i admire them for being able to do that because i'm no hero. the twinges and cramps send me crying into brian's arms. so we got more norco.
speaking of cramping, i thought we were done with that. i thought we had 2-3 days of afterpains and then my uterus would be relatively shrunk back to size and no more cramps. turns out i am not necessarily wrong in this, but lucky me, i have something else going on altogether: the day after hannah was born, the doctor came to me in the hospital and asked if i knew that i had uterine fibroids. i said yes, they've been there for a while and my ob can feel them, she just keeps an eye on them. they're small. he said, um, not exactly. apparently when he opened me up he found a fibroid the size of a baseball sitting on top of my uterus. he did not remove it because there was a risk of vascular problems and too much bleeding as my uterus contracted. also, removal would weaken that area of my uterus and i would be at a much higher risk of uterine rupture during labor for the next kiddo. so unless it starts causing me problems (i'm thinking that's unlikely as i didn't even know it was there until now) then it stays in until we are 100% sure we are done having children. and here brian and i thought it was hannah's bottom the whole time.
the fibroid shouldn't really cause any problems anyway, he said - i might have more cramping and heavier flow when i have my period. big deal. i've had that all my life. the only "problem" it is currently causing is these abdominal cramps. fibroids are apparently very sensitive to estrogen, so it was hanging out and getting fat and happy while i was pregnant and making estrogen like there was no tomorrow. once hannah was born, my estrogen production dropped like a mob man with cement shoes. as a result the fibroid is probably shrinking and causing my cramps.
the urinary tract infection is lots of fun because i can't feel anything down there. i've heard this is not uncommon after vaginal births. granted, i didn't have one, but since i pushed for almost 3 hours i get to claim vaginal birth aftereffects. i don't feel that pressure and urgency when i need to go, so i have to keep reminding myself to head to the bathroom every couple hours. but! not to worry! i can still feel that resistance to go, and the burning. yay! i was put on keflex for the uti, which should be an interesting experience as i've never taken it. usually i get cipro instead, because i'm allergic to the sulfa drugs that are commonly used to treat uti's. however, cipro does turn up in breastmilk and can cause problems for baby so keflex it is.
the printout of my "active medications" includes my prenatal vitamin (huh?) and is a bit horrifying to me:
- prenatal vitamin once a day
- motrin every 8 hours
- norco every 4 hours
- keflex twice a day
- stool softener twice a day
- nor-q-d (minipill birth control) once a day
i feel like my grandparents, with 86 pills spread before me at the breakfast table.
Showing posts with label birth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth. Show all posts
Friday, May 22, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
on being completely unprepared
i told one of my girlfriends the "true" story of my labor (as opposed to the laugh-it-off, "she didn't want to come out" story) and she commented that it sounded so scary. she is about 5 months along and wanted the "gory details." i commented back that it was really not scary and that i did not want her to be scared. and that was true, most of hannah's labor was really not so scary to me. i had somewhat anticipated it being terrifying, and had also anticipated feeling out of control and lost, and none of those things really materialized. i think it might have been because we took every childbirth class that was offered by my medical group. i also read all the books and reread all the stuff about labor and delivery in the two weeks before we had her, to remind me of everything. i had prepared myself and in that "moment of truth" (the entire labor process!) my preparation kept my fears at bay.
the things that were scary to me were the things i had not anticipated or prepared for. being catheterized, for example: i wasn't going to need to be catheterized, because i was going to be up and walking around and certainly would get to pee. i wasn't going to need vacuum extraction, because i wasn't going to get an epidural if i could possibly help it, and slow down my own labor and therefore need further interventions like the vacuum. i didn't know they strap down your legs when they perform a c-section.
and then i had to get in that bed to be monitored, and i rolled onto my side to get more comfortable, and after managing through a couple contractions like that, i didn't want to get out of bed (except to get in the shower, which brian made me get out of too soon). and therefore didn't pee, and had to be catheterized. and even though i didn't do anything to slow down my own labor, i didn't anticipate that maybe hannah and i were just not compatible and i might still need the vacuum extraction. (which did not actually scare me in and of itself - but the pudendal block did.) and they do strap down your legs, like in a bad horror movie. no one told me that.
even the failed spinal block, the failed epidural, and the cesarean section did not scare me, but i think at that point i was too exhausted to be afraid. i just wanted it OVER at that point. the only nerve-wracking part of that is that brian could not be with me, and that was all i wanted.
he and i took a little walk around the corridors tuesday night, or rather he put one foot slowly in front of the other and i sort of leaned against him for support and shuffled along. mil was with the baby back in our room and the halls were quiet because visiting hours had ended (but they let mil stay longer). we finally got a chance to be alone together and talk quietly about this whole ordeal we had both just gone through. i told him about everything that happened once they wheeled me away from him, about alexis the nurse who stayed with me the entire time - just stood next to me and kept her hands on my hip and my shoulder and encouraged me through the contractions. her only role in that room, at least while i was awake, was to be moral support for me, and i told him how i appreciated it since he couldn't be there. i told him how they made me sign a cesarean consent form right there on the operating table. i was curled on my side and the anesthetist was poking my back, and i was trying to lay still while blowing through a contraction so he wouldn't paralyze me forever, and some woman shoved a pen in my hand and said, i'm sorry to ask you this right now but we have to get your consent to perform this cesarean so could you please sign right here. i told him how they put those compression pads on my legs but then they had to strap my legs down, and how i felt like i was in an old-timey psych ward, and i was having a contraction and trying to blow through it and trying not to be scared of what they would do next once i was strapped down and couldn't run away and could someone please explain why they had not knocked me out yet?
he told me all the things he had been thinking about and feeling and doing all day long, and filled me in on what happened to him when they took me away. the last i saw of brian before we became parents was him putting on a blue plastic shirt (and pants, i presume) over his tee shirt, so he could be in the or with me once the spinal was in place. my mom had arrived from san diego by then (mil was there the whole time, bless her) and they were all anxious to hear how i was doing, and then a nurse came out and told brian he would have to wait, they had trouble with the spinal block and i needed general anesthesia, and he was so worried about me and the baby. he told me how even though he was insanely worried, he was also glad they were doing the c-section, because labor had been so tough and he wanted it to be over with for my sake. he told me how amazed and proud he was all day, because i was so tough and managed to labor drug-free up until the very end, and he had not expected that as i generally don't handle pain well. he told me how sweet i was even during labor, because i didn't once yell at him and i even told him how i appreciated him being there and helping me, and i only brushed off his touch once at the very end. he told me he appreciated the doctor who suggested the c-section and didn't like the nurse who yelled "you can do it, come on erin!" through each push, because even brian could see that the baby wasn't coming when i pushed.
i knew having this child and going through labor together would bring us closer together, because we (i) would be going through physical things that no man should have to deal with from his wife. trying to push a baby out often pushes poop out and no husband should have to see his wife undignified and pooping on the delivery table. here's your child honey and also some of my poop. all that moaning and grunting and exertion, no man should have to hear his wife make those noises (unless he's in bed with her!). no man should have to watch his wife go through that much pain and suffering, because he has to stand idly by and just watch, knowing there is nothing he can do to help her. brian said he hated that he could only watch me go through those contractions, because if he could have he would have taken all that pain upon himself so i wouldn't suffer.
i was completely unprepared for the level of emotional intimacy that labor provides. i had expected just the opposite. all those (medical) people watching and all that uncouth behavior. i did tell brian that i only wanted him in the room when i delivered - no moms, not my sister, no one but him and the medical personnel, because i thought delivery should be a special thing for mom and dad only. but then, special goes out the window right about the time you're trying to push your baby out and you realize there is a cluster of about eight blue-suited nurses and doctors standing at the end of your bed watching.
then the contraction ended, and i let go of my legs and fell back on the bed and looked up at my husband. he was smiling, and it was our baby i was trying to have, and he pushed my hair back and got me ice chips and told me he loved me, and i realized it was special and intimate, and i loved him right back.
the things that were scary to me were the things i had not anticipated or prepared for. being catheterized, for example: i wasn't going to need to be catheterized, because i was going to be up and walking around and certainly would get to pee. i wasn't going to need vacuum extraction, because i wasn't going to get an epidural if i could possibly help it, and slow down my own labor and therefore need further interventions like the vacuum. i didn't know they strap down your legs when they perform a c-section.
and then i had to get in that bed to be monitored, and i rolled onto my side to get more comfortable, and after managing through a couple contractions like that, i didn't want to get out of bed (except to get in the shower, which brian made me get out of too soon). and therefore didn't pee, and had to be catheterized. and even though i didn't do anything to slow down my own labor, i didn't anticipate that maybe hannah and i were just not compatible and i might still need the vacuum extraction. (which did not actually scare me in and of itself - but the pudendal block did.) and they do strap down your legs, like in a bad horror movie. no one told me that.
even the failed spinal block, the failed epidural, and the cesarean section did not scare me, but i think at that point i was too exhausted to be afraid. i just wanted it OVER at that point. the only nerve-wracking part of that is that brian could not be with me, and that was all i wanted.
he and i took a little walk around the corridors tuesday night, or rather he put one foot slowly in front of the other and i sort of leaned against him for support and shuffled along. mil was with the baby back in our room and the halls were quiet because visiting hours had ended (but they let mil stay longer). we finally got a chance to be alone together and talk quietly about this whole ordeal we had both just gone through. i told him about everything that happened once they wheeled me away from him, about alexis the nurse who stayed with me the entire time - just stood next to me and kept her hands on my hip and my shoulder and encouraged me through the contractions. her only role in that room, at least while i was awake, was to be moral support for me, and i told him how i appreciated it since he couldn't be there. i told him how they made me sign a cesarean consent form right there on the operating table. i was curled on my side and the anesthetist was poking my back, and i was trying to lay still while blowing through a contraction so he wouldn't paralyze me forever, and some woman shoved a pen in my hand and said, i'm sorry to ask you this right now but we have to get your consent to perform this cesarean so could you please sign right here. i told him how they put those compression pads on my legs but then they had to strap my legs down, and how i felt like i was in an old-timey psych ward, and i was having a contraction and trying to blow through it and trying not to be scared of what they would do next once i was strapped down and couldn't run away and could someone please explain why they had not knocked me out yet?
he told me all the things he had been thinking about and feeling and doing all day long, and filled me in on what happened to him when they took me away. the last i saw of brian before we became parents was him putting on a blue plastic shirt (and pants, i presume) over his tee shirt, so he could be in the or with me once the spinal was in place. my mom had arrived from san diego by then (mil was there the whole time, bless her) and they were all anxious to hear how i was doing, and then a nurse came out and told brian he would have to wait, they had trouble with the spinal block and i needed general anesthesia, and he was so worried about me and the baby. he told me how even though he was insanely worried, he was also glad they were doing the c-section, because labor had been so tough and he wanted it to be over with for my sake. he told me how amazed and proud he was all day, because i was so tough and managed to labor drug-free up until the very end, and he had not expected that as i generally don't handle pain well. he told me how sweet i was even during labor, because i didn't once yell at him and i even told him how i appreciated him being there and helping me, and i only brushed off his touch once at the very end. he told me he appreciated the doctor who suggested the c-section and didn't like the nurse who yelled "you can do it, come on erin!" through each push, because even brian could see that the baby wasn't coming when i pushed.
i knew having this child and going through labor together would bring us closer together, because we (i) would be going through physical things that no man should have to deal with from his wife. trying to push a baby out often pushes poop out and no husband should have to see his wife undignified and pooping on the delivery table. here's your child honey and also some of my poop. all that moaning and grunting and exertion, no man should have to hear his wife make those noises (unless he's in bed with her!). no man should have to watch his wife go through that much pain and suffering, because he has to stand idly by and just watch, knowing there is nothing he can do to help her. brian said he hated that he could only watch me go through those contractions, because if he could have he would have taken all that pain upon himself so i wouldn't suffer.
i was completely unprepared for the level of emotional intimacy that labor provides. i had expected just the opposite. all those (medical) people watching and all that uncouth behavior. i did tell brian that i only wanted him in the room when i delivered - no moms, not my sister, no one but him and the medical personnel, because i thought delivery should be a special thing for mom and dad only. but then, special goes out the window right about the time you're trying to push your baby out and you realize there is a cluster of about eight blue-suited nurses and doctors standing at the end of your bed watching.
then the contraction ended, and i let go of my legs and fell back on the bed and looked up at my husband. he was smiling, and it was our baby i was trying to have, and he pushed my hair back and got me ice chips and told me he loved me, and i realized it was special and intimate, and i loved him right back.
Friday, May 15, 2009
hannah's birth story
she is probably the absolute most beautiful thing i have ever seen. aside from a bit of conehead i think i am not biased when i say that. just a pretty girl in her mama's eyes.
monday was obviously a very rough day. i had my first contraction at 4a and by 6a they were about 10 minutes apart. i got in the shower around 745a and my water broke at 830a. so we went to the hospital. brian was very anxious that we were not going soon enough. by about 930a when we got there the contractions were 2-3 minutes apart, 45-60 seconds long, and i was dilated to 4 centimeters. btw that 2-3 minutes apart is NOT from the end of one to the start of the next, oh no. that would be too much rest. the way you time a contraction is from the start of one to the start of the next. (i did not know this until our childbirth class.) so really only like 1-2 minutes rest. and you would not believe the words and noises that come out of your body during a contraction. they had told us the (private, thank heaven) birthing rooms were soundproof but according to my mil, she could hear me screaming and swearing through each contraction.
by about 230p i was 10 centimeters dilated and ready to start pushing. they gave me fentanyl also at about 9 centimeters, an iv drug to take the edge off. i wanted to try to do the whole thing 100% natural but it just did not happen. the contractions still hurt like a mother after the fentanyl but were no longer pass-out pain is all. brian was such an awesome coach, i could not have done it without him. i pushed for about 2+ hrs and she was just not coming. "failure to progress" is what they called it. so they put a vacuum cup on her head to try to help. hence the conehead, and she also has some scabby scratches on the top of her head from the vacuum cup. they also gad to catheterize me just before because i had not peed all day and a full bladder can hinder the vacuum apparently. that was about the worst thing ever, it hurt so bad. brian kept me focused on him but he said the look on my face broke his heart. he also said he could tell how much it hurt and that he dd not realize until then how tough i was. i generally have a relatively low pain tolerance.) i was begging them not to but they had to. then they also gave me two shots, one on either side, i guess for a pudendal block maybe? the doctor said to ease the pain as she came out on the vacuum, i guess it hurts more. i do remember at one point the vacuum popped off her head. i remember the doctor pulling hard as i was pushing too but nothing, she failed to progress.
i think i pushed about 30-45 minutes vwith the vacuum but she was just not coming so the doctor said they needed to get me in for an emergency cesarean. i was tired and baby was tired and nothing was happening. i asked brian afterwards if he could even see anything when i was pushing (like the top of her head) and he said no. i was actually kind of relieved about the cesarean because i just wanted the whole done with at that point. so they wheeled me away to do a spinal block (faster than an epidural) while brian got suited up.
they poked my back for about 15 minutes but it was not taking, i was not getting any pain relief. i counted at least seven poke bruises on my spine yesterday. in the meantime i was having contractions and curled on my side, as much as i could be with a baby between my legs and the doctor is saying hold still so i can do this. what?! a man of course. they also tried an epidural but it did not take either. after about 20 minutes i said, PLEASE can you just do general (which they don't like as much because it is more risk to the baby). but they did. they had to catheterize me again for the cesarean, but it was a different kind of catheter so did not hurt as bad THANK THE LORD. i said, can you PLEASE catheterize me after you put me under, and they said, i'm sorry but no, as soon as you are under we have to get the baby out.
they had to strap my legs down, i guess so i wouldn't go flopping everywhere in the middle of a contraction while i was under anesthesia. that was VERY scary. the worst was, brian could not be there with general anesthesia, so i was alone with all those nurses and doctors the whole time i was in the operating room, and all i wanted was him.
they had to intubate me also so my voice is scratchy and my throat hurts even four days later. i guess they put me under about 545p (i know they wheeled me into the or about 5p) and hannah was born at 6p on the dot. 8 pounds 0 ounces, and 20 inches long. brian saw her pretty much as soon as she got out, they cut her cord and then took her away to get a bath and such while they stitched me up. she is all red and wailing in those first pictures he took. he said she just wanted her mom and to feed. i started coming around about 7p and i think they brought her to me around 730p and she just went to town breastfeeding.
so that us where we are right now, we got home yesterday afternoon. i have not slept much of course and my abdomen hurts of course, to be expected when they cut it open to remove an 8 pound baby, but still. she has her days and nights reversed right now so sleeps too much during the day and feeds too much at night. i guess most babies are like that at first. she also has so far lost too much weight (14 ounces in 4 days) so we have to supplement with formula for the next few days until my milk comes in and she is getting enough nutrition from me. fortunately that is the only thing "wrong" with her. her bilirubin levels are great, no jaundice, and all her scores and vitals have otherwise been fabulous.
all strapped in and ready to go home, swimming in her sleeper
we are so in love with her. i never thought i could be so happy about being "replaced" in my husband's heart, but i am just over the moon that brian is so starry-eyed over her. i never thought i could so love a little human who s making such demands on my time, energy, and body. and i never realized how much i could trust and appreciate the man who got me through this whole thing - pregnancy, labor, delivery, who is taking such good care of me right now as i'm recovering not only from a (mostly) regular birth but also from major abdominal surgery. i never thought i could love brian more than i did before this experience. he saw me go through things, say and do things that a husband should not have to see and hear and experience from his wife, and i should be ashamed and embarrassed, and i'm not. i can't imagine having done this whole thing with anyone else, and i wouldn't want to.
cross-posted at éireann
monday was obviously a very rough day. i had my first contraction at 4a and by 6a they were about 10 minutes apart. i got in the shower around 745a and my water broke at 830a. so we went to the hospital. brian was very anxious that we were not going soon enough. by about 930a when we got there the contractions were 2-3 minutes apart, 45-60 seconds long, and i was dilated to 4 centimeters. btw that 2-3 minutes apart is NOT from the end of one to the start of the next, oh no. that would be too much rest. the way you time a contraction is from the start of one to the start of the next. (i did not know this until our childbirth class.) so really only like 1-2 minutes rest. and you would not believe the words and noises that come out of your body during a contraction. they had told us the (private, thank heaven) birthing rooms were soundproof but according to my mil, she could hear me screaming and swearing through each contraction.
by about 230p i was 10 centimeters dilated and ready to start pushing. they gave me fentanyl also at about 9 centimeters, an iv drug to take the edge off. i wanted to try to do the whole thing 100% natural but it just did not happen. the contractions still hurt like a mother after the fentanyl but were no longer pass-out pain is all. brian was such an awesome coach, i could not have done it without him. i pushed for about 2+ hrs and she was just not coming. "failure to progress" is what they called it. so they put a vacuum cup on her head to try to help. hence the conehead, and she also has some scabby scratches on the top of her head from the vacuum cup. they also gad to catheterize me just before because i had not peed all day and a full bladder can hinder the vacuum apparently. that was about the worst thing ever, it hurt so bad. brian kept me focused on him but he said the look on my face broke his heart. he also said he could tell how much it hurt and that he dd not realize until then how tough i was. i generally have a relatively low pain tolerance.) i was begging them not to but they had to. then they also gave me two shots, one on either side, i guess for a pudendal block maybe? the doctor said to ease the pain as she came out on the vacuum, i guess it hurts more. i do remember at one point the vacuum popped off her head. i remember the doctor pulling hard as i was pushing too but nothing, she failed to progress.
i think i pushed about 30-45 minutes vwith the vacuum but she was just not coming so the doctor said they needed to get me in for an emergency cesarean. i was tired and baby was tired and nothing was happening. i asked brian afterwards if he could even see anything when i was pushing (like the top of her head) and he said no. i was actually kind of relieved about the cesarean because i just wanted the whole done with at that point. so they wheeled me away to do a spinal block (faster than an epidural) while brian got suited up.
they poked my back for about 15 minutes but it was not taking, i was not getting any pain relief. i counted at least seven poke bruises on my spine yesterday. in the meantime i was having contractions and curled on my side, as much as i could be with a baby between my legs and the doctor is saying hold still so i can do this. what?! a man of course. they also tried an epidural but it did not take either. after about 20 minutes i said, PLEASE can you just do general (which they don't like as much because it is more risk to the baby). but they did. they had to catheterize me again for the cesarean, but it was a different kind of catheter so did not hurt as bad THANK THE LORD. i said, can you PLEASE catheterize me after you put me under, and they said, i'm sorry but no, as soon as you are under we have to get the baby out.
they had to strap my legs down, i guess so i wouldn't go flopping everywhere in the middle of a contraction while i was under anesthesia. that was VERY scary. the worst was, brian could not be there with general anesthesia, so i was alone with all those nurses and doctors the whole time i was in the operating room, and all i wanted was him.
they had to intubate me also so my voice is scratchy and my throat hurts even four days later. i guess they put me under about 545p (i know they wheeled me into the or about 5p) and hannah was born at 6p on the dot. 8 pounds 0 ounces, and 20 inches long. brian saw her pretty much as soon as she got out, they cut her cord and then took her away to get a bath and such while they stitched me up. she is all red and wailing in those first pictures he took. he said she just wanted her mom and to feed. i started coming around about 7p and i think they brought her to me around 730p and she just went to town breastfeeding.
so that us where we are right now, we got home yesterday afternoon. i have not slept much of course and my abdomen hurts of course, to be expected when they cut it open to remove an 8 pound baby, but still. she has her days and nights reversed right now so sleeps too much during the day and feeds too much at night. i guess most babies are like that at first. she also has so far lost too much weight (14 ounces in 4 days) so we have to supplement with formula for the next few days until my milk comes in and she is getting enough nutrition from me. fortunately that is the only thing "wrong" with her. her bilirubin levels are great, no jaundice, and all her scores and vitals have otherwise been fabulous.
all strapped in and ready to go home, swimming in her sleeper
we are so in love with her. i never thought i could be so happy about being "replaced" in my husband's heart, but i am just over the moon that brian is so starry-eyed over her. i never thought i could so love a little human who s making such demands on my time, energy, and body. and i never realized how much i could trust and appreciate the man who got me through this whole thing - pregnancy, labor, delivery, who is taking such good care of me right now as i'm recovering not only from a (mostly) regular birth but also from major abdominal surgery. i never thought i could love brian more than i did before this experience. he saw me go through things, say and do things that a husband should not have to see and hear and experience from his wife, and i should be ashamed and embarrassed, and i'm not. i can't imagine having done this whole thing with anyone else, and i wouldn't want to.
cross-posted at éireann
hannah jeanne
was born on monday may 11 (her due date!) at 6pm. she was 8 lbs. 0 oz. and 20 ins long. she is the most beautiful thing we have ever seen. we all came home from the hospital thursday afternoon.
photos and her birth story to come, it was quite the ordeal. we tried a little bit of pretty much everything just to meet this kiddo.
cross-posted at éireann
photos and her birth story to come, it was quite the ordeal. we tried a little bit of pretty much everything just to meet this kiddo.
cross-posted at éireann
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