love letters: month eight

dear hannah,

you are eight months old today, and what a time it has been. it's a new year, sweet baby girl! you are crawling now, crawling everywhere, and starting to get into everything. you are one busy little girl.


this past month you celebrated your first christmas! it was stressful, as christmas always is, but it was wonderful as well. first grandpa and grandma ellen came up to visit and spent the weekend with us. nana and grandpa ron came over, and we all went out to dinner for nana's birthday. you were absolutely entranced with the waitress and couldn't stop looking at her each time she came to the table, and when she'd leave you'd twist around in your high chair and crane your neck to watch her as long as you could.


then grandma and aunt kerry and nana came over for christmas itself, and what a time you had. grandma brought you some presents wrapped in tissue paper, so they would be easy to unwrap, and even though the tissue paper crinkled enticingly, you couldn't figure out what it was that you were supposed to do. as we opened gifts on christmas moring, you happily jumped and played in your jumperoo, right in the middle of all the mess. later we took some pictures and you were happiest, of course, with the wrapping paper. you got some new clothes and a couple awesome toys (including bath toys, which you adore), but you loved the wrapping paper the best.


we did not end up doing anything fun for your first new year's. you slept through it anyways. we were going to visit friends, but daddy had to go in to work and had to stay late as well. i don't know how you would have liked it anyways at this age, all the loud noises and fireworks. in a couple years, you'll love it, i guarantee you. you get to stay up late and watch tv and run around in the street with the neighbors at midnight, and sometimes people even call on the telephone late at night. at least, that's what we did when i was a kid, and it was insanely out of the ordinary and exciting.


otherwise it has been a pretty quiet month for us. we have been getting a lot of stuff done around the house, trying to get into a regular schedule of chores and such so that i can keep on track of things. daddy and i took you in the spa for the first time last week, and you were not too sure of it. we thought you would love it because it would be like a giant warm bath, but i think the jets kind of threw you off at first. then you figured out splashing and then you had fun. we have been in the spa at grandma's house too, since we are in southern california right now visiting her. daddy had a business trip so we decided to take a trip too.


the other thing that happened this month is that i was diagnosed with postpartum depression and went on antidepressants. i gave it a lot of thought and did a lot of research and ultimately decided that medication was the best course of action for me, and it isn't going to harm you thankfully. we still have happy times, of course - for example, you just adore going to the grocery store, sitting in the cart and watching me put things in it and watching all the other people around you. we make faces at each other and chat and when we're done you get to hold the list, which i think might be your favorite part. a couple weeks ago you looked up at me and let out this huge burp right as a man was walking by, and it made us both laugh so hard. and you've started flirting all the time now, with everyone, including me. you bat your eyes and lay your head on your shoulder and smile, and i've bumped into people at the grocery store because we're flirting with each other instead of paying attention to where i'm pushing the shopping cart.


this has been a hard year for me, and the last eight months have been hard for me too, but they have also been the best eight months of my life. my depression is not about you, sweetheart. i don't ever want you to think that. my struggles coping are a problem with me, not anything that you have done or not done. you have been the best thing to happen to your father and me, and we love you so very much. we still marvel daily that we were able to create such the beautiful, happy, healthy miracle that is you, and i want you to always know how much you are loved, and how happy you make me.


i love you, my banana.
love,
mama

love letters: month seven

dear hannah,

today you are seven months old. seven months! we are more than halfway through a year now. a friend asked me the other day what was essential for me the first few weeks of your life, and i have to say i don't remember so much other than surviving and trying to figure out nursing. there was a teeny little baby at our mommy group yesterday, only 3 weeks old, and i held her and she was so light and small and tiny and precious and delicate. i can't believe you were once that small. the baby you have become has eclipsed the baby you were, and now all i can remember and think about is the wonderful girl you are now.


the holidays are upon us, full steam ahead, which means you had your first thanksgiving this past month. thank goodness you won't remember it because there was really nothing to remember. daddy worked (so he can take extra days off around christmas) and nana decided not to come up since we were going to see her in tahoe in a few days. so you and i just hung out all day, and then daddy brought home dinner from work and you tried turkey for the first time. you did NOT like it and gagged a couple times, and this is awful of me to say, but it is so stinking cute when you gag and your little tongue comes out.


that's your new favorite thing, by the way, your tongue. you stick it out the corner of your mouth all the time, as if you are concentrating really hard. it's so cute and sweet and i have no idea why you do it. you seem to do it most when you are happy, which you are a LOT. daddy and i always comment on what a happy baby you are. you are happy and content pretty much all the time, except when you are teething. you cut your two bottom teeth this month, both at the same time, and OY, your teething has been kicking my butt. wow. of course, you're not interested in the mesh teethers with ice in them or chewing on a frozen washcloth. you do like to chew on your fridge teethers, but only for a little while. you hate baby orajel and it is all i can do to keep you from spitting out teething tablets. tylenol, though. WOW. you think that stuff is candy.


we spent a week up at lake tahoe this month and you had your first taste of snow. well, you didn't actually taste it - you weren't that interested. i think you did not appreciate the cold, though. one morning daddy and i went tubing on the snow, and we switched off holding you so the other could tube. when i put you on a breeze came up and you screamed and screamed and screamed some more. i had you facing in to me and your little cheeks were so red, so i unzipped my fleece so you could be face in to me and draped my scarf around your head so you would be protected from the wind, and you fell asleep with your cold little nose pressed against my chest.


we also rode the cable car up to high camp and went ice skating up there, and your daddy wore you in the baby bjorn for the first time. i think maybe he thought it was a chick thing to do, wear one's baby, but once he saw how much you love being in the baby bjorn - not just being in the baby bjorn on mama - he fell in love with it too. after that i couldn't get you off of him, which was fine for you because you just adore him. i think the other thing that convinced your father to wear you was that his options were that or carry the diaper bag, which is really just an oversized handbag and VERY chick-ish.


we went sledding - even your nana sledded, she who is not adventurous! we even took you sledding, crazy parents that we are. we do a lot of "crazy" things like that that probably some people would say are irresponsible, but we are always careful to protect you. we went on a small hill and went pretty slowly for you and always kept our feet out so we could stop any time we needed to. you were pretty uninterested. i think maybe you just didn't know how you were supposed to react. is this supposed to be fun? and then - i sat you on the snow, and daddy came sledding down the hill, and you looked up to watch him. he sledded straight towards you and came to a stop behind you, and you freaked out and started screaming - and we laughed. i'm sorry, but it was funny. having a baby is a lot of fun.


i am constantly amazed too by how much you learn every month and how much you are growing. just this last week you have figured out how to play a repeating game with us, where you babble something and we make the same noise back to you. the first couple times you were kind of surprised that we did it, and then you figured it out. we do wonder if we're tormenting you by mimicking back "mama, i'm hungry," or "i'm lonely back here and i want to get out of this car seat, i hate it," but it's too much fun not to play. now this is what i have been waiting for with you - to play games and watch you learn and grow. you're amazing, sweetheart.


i love you, my banana.
love,
mama

love letters: month six

dear hannah,

six months!! you are six months old!!

it is almost thanksgiving, and you are six months old. where has all this time gone? your father and i cannot believe you are already six months old, and yet it feels like we have been doing this for EVER, (six months? that's IT?) and we cannot imagine our life without you.


you have become HUGE this past month - you are 27 inches long and outgrew your baby carseat. two weeks ago we purchased a new one for you and it is this behemoth thing tethered to the backseat of my car. at first you looked so teeny in it, like when we brought you home from the hospital and you were swimming in your sleeper and i felt like the straps of the carseat were too long to hold you in tight enough, even tightened all the way up. now - either i'm used to you in the new carseat or you've just exploded in size, because you don't seem so small in it anymore. you weigh almost 18 pounds too, which is SO FUN when i have to contort my body to get you in and out of that darn carseat when we go to the store.


you started rolling over in earnest this month, allaying my fears regarding your tendencies toward sociopathology, and suddenly you are MOBILE and everywhere. within a week you figured out how to roll from your back to your belly AND how to get up on your knees, though not how to do anything when you are up on those knees. you CAN scooch backwards, which happens unintentionally, and you end up wedged underneath the coffee table or the sofa or the tv unit with your bottom pushed up against whatever edge is there. sometimes you end up against the fireplace hearth, and you push forward off it and then slide backwards, over and over, crawling in place. just this past week you really got the hang of rolling from your belly to your back (though you don't really like to and still break down crying when you've had enough on your tummy) and have started to figure out that there are interesting things out there and you can get to them by rolling. your father and i figure we have about 7 more hours to babyproof the house before you get into everything.


every month you become a little more vocal, and last night your father swore you said "dada" though i think he's delusional because OF COURSE you'd say "mama" first. after all the times i wipe your bottom, it's the least you can do for me. RIGHT? we had a barbecue with all the mommies and daddies from our mommy & me group this past month and your father thought you were the most talkative baby in the group. he also thought you were the prettiest, which of course you were, but we don't say that out loud because it might make the other babies feel bad and give you a big head. last week you were playing with your friend kyle at mommy group, and all he wanted to do was touch you and grab at your hands, and you just kept on talking at him. he didn't say anything, so you talked more and louder, just like a girl. daddy says you're JUST LIKE YOUR MAMA, isn't that nice of him.


your first halloween was this month, and we all dressed up as pumpkins, a jack-o-family. next year we'll do something more creative, this year i was a bit low on energy and creativity and the creative ideas came a little late. nana came out to spend the weekend with us and you just loved answering the door with her and seeing all the people there. you also loved visiting the neighbors when we dropped off goodie bags for them. we also went to the pumpkin patch with mommy group, and to a halloween lunch where we borrowed your friend lexi's banana costume to take a picture. now why didn't we think to dress you up as a banana? i told you, all the creativity came a bit late.


you and i went to the zoo for the first time this month too, which i think you enjoyed. really, these outings are more for the mommies than the babies at this point, but you were very interested in the flamingos (until we tried to take your picture, of course - then you were more interested in your sunglasses). they were noisy and smelly and bright and moved around a lot and very fun to watch. in stark contrast to my favorite, the lemurs, who were very lazy and quiet that day and just sat there doing nothing and you got bored very quickly with that.

with your buddy lexi at the pumpkin patch. you were the cutest punkin ever!

you also started eating solids this month, much to my chagrin, because babies don't eat solids - big girls do but not babies - and i wanted you to stay my baby for as long as possible. but your pediatrician said you needed to have started them by 6 months, so here we are. you love squash and green beans and carrots, but you hate rice cereal, and you hate bananas only marginally less than rice cereal. we're still trying on the bananas, though every time i shove some in your mouth you look at me as if you're this horribly abused child and i must hate you on some level.


your personality has exploded this month - not that you didn't have one before, but it's become much more apparent now. you have OPINIONS and you are not afraid to let us know them. you actually spit some bananas at me the other day. you let us know when you are tired of being in the high chair, or want to be held, and it's very obvious when you're sleepy and need a nap. what a wonder a little sleep does for you - you turn back into my wonderful little ray of sunshine. you wake up and grin this huge happy grin when you see your father and me, as if say YOU! IT'S YOU! AGAIN! MY FAVORITE! i hope you'll always be like this, excited to see us, because we are always excited to see you.


okay, now this is my favorite picture of you ever. you love that little chewie, and even though i swore i'd never put you in little headbands (and we don't ever wear them), you look so sweet and girly in this one. you just get more beautiful every day.

i love you, banana.
love,
mama

love letters: month five

dear hannah,

banana! you are five months old today!

i think i will always use exclamation points when i tell you how old you are, because not only is it exciting for you, but i just can't believe it. and finally, FINALLY, we are getting into the swing of things. okay, maybe we were in the swing of things a month or so ago, but still. it feels like it has taken five months to get this mothering thing figured out, sort of. now don't you go growing or changing on me anytime soon. you've gotta give me a chance to get used to this.


your grandfather visited, and we went out for pizza and gelato. i caught him giving you some, even though we have not started you on solids yet. obviously, you like chocolate gelato.

it seems like every month you are growing by leaps and bounds. you have continued your vocal explorations this month and are regularly squealing, babbling, cooing, and laughing. you have the sweetest giggle, all throaty from way down deep in your belly, and you love to grin with your mouth open wide and your nose all squinched up, as if you are SUPER! EXCITED! BY WHATEVER IT IS I'M DOING! you love shrieking, which your father worries is not normal. i just remind him that apparently, we are raising a pterodactyl, but not worry, you'll turn out fine.


you had your second round of immunizations this month, which of course you hated, and i'm really sorry to break it to you, but your 6-month boosters are scheduled for your 6-month birthday. if it makes you feel any better, i had to get my flu shot this month, and i'm still alive. you were in a great mood for the doctor which was a relief as you screamed through your two-month appointment and i was afraid she'd think i was a horrible parent. you are in the 95th percentile for height, which i guess is what i get for marrying a giant like your father. you've already outgrown your carseat.


you continue to be insanely interested in toys and can spend over an hour rolling around on the ground under your activity gym, tugging on the stuffies and making it sing. however, you're not hugely interested in rolling over. you did it a number of times a couple months ago but since then you've been kind of meh about it. you're perfectly happy to roll on your side, but you've only rolled onto your belly from your back once. when we do tummy time, you haven't figured out that you can roll from your belly to your back to end it, so when you get tired of tummy time you just lay there on the ground with your face planted into the blanket and cry. i'm a little worried that you might grow up to be a serial killer WHO KNOWS IT COULD HAPPEN if you don't start rolling regularly soon, but your pediatrician says not to worry.


however, you LOVE the crinkle square i made you, and you LOVE your rattles. anything that makes noise - you're all over it. you stand in front of me and just wave that rattle around. the other day at mommy group you kept whacking yourself in the head with it, but you didn't care. you just had this huge grin on your face, as if it were the best thing in the world. you are such a sunny, happy baby - everything that i had hoped for. you greet every day with a huge smile, because you are just SO! EXCITED! BY LIFE! AND LIVING!


i gave notice at my job two days ago, so in two weeks my only jobs will be to be your mommy and to be daddy's wife. no more daycare for you! it's kind of a strange feeling right now, and kind of surreal. i've never not had a job, never not contributed financially to the household. but in two weeks, i'll have the best job ever - i get to be your mommy, all the time.

i love you, my banana.
love,
mama

love letters: month four

dear hannah,

happy birthday, my four-month-old baby!

i cannot believe you are four months old. four months ago i didn't even know you, not really. and now i can't imagine my life without you. and speaking of four months ago, where is the baby we brought home from the hospital, all squalling and red-faced and tiny? did you eat her? you must have eaten her because damn, girl, you are getting HUGE. you have about 8 more ounces to go and then you have doubled your birth weight. IN FOUR MONTHS. that's what i get for marrying a giant, eh?


this has been such a busy month, not just for you but for us also. summer ended and we tried to pack in as much fun stuff as we could. like aunt alice's wedding... you were so well-behaved and quiet during the wedding, and then at the end you let out a big huge fart. daddy was so proud! and everyone at the reception just loved on you and you were so pretty in your dress. the next day you got to meet aunt kirsten and uncle rick, and the next day after that we drove home.


and you! you are changing and learning at lightning speed. even faster than that, maybe. this month you figured out that you have a tongue. who knew?! this has resulted in tons of drool (your daddy swears you are teething, but he's wrong) and lots of spit bubbles and raspberries. the raspberries are cute but you hate the resulting bibs that the drool has engendered. keep it in your mouth and we won't have to go there, kiddo.


your new favorite thing is waving your feet around and sticking them up in the air.

along with your tongue, you have also discovered your voice and how to use it. you've been cooing for a while now, but this month you have started to figure out conversation and communication, and you really like to add to the communication. when we're in the car with the radio on, you like to start talking and squealing in the backseat... but if i turn the radio off so i can listen to you, you fall quiet. i hope this doesn't become a habit, this silence towards your parents, because otherwise how are we going to keep you out of trouble when you are sixteen and figure out who the cool bands are?


speaking of cool bands, we took you to your first concert this month! we went to see def leppard and poison up in marysville. you did wonderfully, i think you liked it. there were lots of bright lights and you could hardly tear your eyes away from the stage. it was a beautiful night, clear and warm but not too warm, and i wore you in the front pack and we danced to the music and you loved it. you even let me cover your ears when we were dancing, which i know you hate. you fell asleep during def leppard which only confirms my suspicion that we are, in fact, raising a flexible baby. and yes, i breastfed you during the concert. we sat there on the lawn on our blanket and had us some nursing. yes, we are now Those Parents.


we also took you to your very first giants game this month. i think you did not enjoy that as much as the concert. we loaded up on the sunscreen and thankfully did not get burned, but it was hot and even with your hat and sunglasses i think it was a bit bright for you. you were a bit fussy and then slept through some of the game, but then edgar renteria hit a grand slam in the bottom of the seventh inning to bring the giants ahead, and the crowd went wild, and you went nuts. you looked at me with these wide eyes, opened up your mouth, and let out the loudest wail ever. i think we could hear you on the tv replays later that night.


you were happiest at the game while you were sitting on my lap playing with your rattle, which thankfully i clipped to your onesie with a paci-clip because you kept dropping it and i was NOT going to be picking it up every ten seconds. that's something else new this month. all of a sudden you have become very interested in TOYS! these magical things that make noise and can be grabbed and held and squished between your fingers! of course, you not only love toys but also toys that are not really toys, like burpies. when you sit in your rocker and watch me make dinner, i usually give you a burpie to play with. i think you like the softness of the flannel. you pull on it and twist it and let it slip and slide through your fingers. you stuff it in your mouth and rub it over your face, and drop it on your knees and then pick it up again.


i went back to work this month, and even though i know i have to, it breaks my heart every day to leave you in daycare and let a couple hours of your life go by without me. daddy and i feel very strongly that i should be a full-time mommy to you, so we're working as hard as we can to make that happen. in the meantime, you seem quite happy at daycare. you love sitting on miss courtney's lap, and all the other kiddos at daycare are THRILLED beyond belief that there is a baby there. you seem to love your peeps there too. you don't notice me when i first walk in, and i watch you watch them, absolutely mesmerized. there is so much for you to see and do and touch and taste and learn every day, and you are absolutly engaged and excited and happy to do it. i love watching you like this, sweetie. don't ever change.


so far, this is my all-time favorite picture of you. you're so beautiful, kiddo, and you always will be the most beautiful thing i've ever seen.

love,
mama

love letters: month three

dear hannah,

today you are three months old!

that's one quarter of the way to your very first birthday. ONE QUARTER DONE WITH YOUR FIRST YEAR. can you believe you're already this old? i can't. and it only gets better from here, kiddo. before you know it you'll be turning thirty one and wondering how in the world did you get to be THIRTY ONE, and where in the world are my car keys because that downhill slide into forgetfulness starts pretty early in our family, let me tell you. boy howdy.


monster socks from aunt kerry

to say this month was exciting is kind of an understatement. besides it would get old pretty quickly because everything for you is new and exciting right now, and i think i will continue to be excited by you for the rest of my life. at any rate, it was still a pretty exciting month for you. for starters, grandma pam came and stayed with us for a long weekend and you just loved being cuddled by her. she couldn't get enough of you and i certainly appreciated a break from changing diapers. it's getting kind of old, kiddo. can you please be potty-trained soon?


this month was also your first overnight stay without us! our five year anniversary was on august 1, and you stayed with nana while daddy and i had a special night out together. we thought we would be okay, because we knew there's no one else who could take better care of you than nana (except us, of course), but we really missed you. so much so that we came back to get you a little early on sunday. i think nana was kind of disappointed by that. she was just over the moon to have you to herself for such an extended period of time. i think she would come live with us if we would let her, just so she could see you every day. don't go getting any ideas in your head because i am quite territorial.


you also had your first big trip this month - you and i drove 8 hours down south to stay with grandma pam for a week. daddy is flying down to join us in a couple days, because auntie alice is getting married at the end of the week. you have gotten lots of time in with grandma pam and have gone with me everywhere and met so many new people. you were very well behaved for alice's bridal shower the other day and everyone thought you looked so pretty in your dress. you just loved being held and loved on by all the ladies. thank you for smiling for them and making me look like a good mommy.


you finally fit into all these clothes we have for you, and boy are you ever cute, every single day. one day two weeks ago we stayed in our pajamas all day and just cuddled and nursed and read, because you looked so adorable in your sleeper, the white one with the pink trim, that i couldn't bear to take you out of it. you seemed just fine, because hey! you got to nurse all day long! and as long as you are attached to my boob, That From Which All Good Things Flow, you are a happy camper and all is right in the world.


you also had your two-month checkup this month, and your first shots. the pediatrician says you are so perfectly healthy and growing so well, which was good news to your dad and me. i knew you were growing just fine, though. after all, i'm the one who lugs your round little body up and down the stairs each day and MAN are you ever getting heavy. you did not like getting shots, of course. the nurse stuck you with the first needle and you were fine for about two seconds and then your head turned into a tomato and you screamed like nobody's business. you did not even like the oral rotavirus vaccine and tried to spit it out, just like you do sometimes when i try to give you your vitamins. some days i think it might be easier to give the vitamins to the cat.


you are figuring how to wiggle out of your swaddle most days, and just a few days ago you figured out how to roll from your back to your tummy! unfortunately, you are only doing it at night when you sleep, while you are swaddled. you are sleeping on the floor on a quilt next to me down here at grandma's, and i woke up to find you sound asleep on your belly three nights ago. when i rolled you back onto your back, you promptly rolled back over onto your belly. two nights ago i woke up three times to find you sound asleep with your nose mashed into the quilt. every time i wake up i have a minor heart attack that you've suffocated yourself, but you don't sleep more than 20 minutes unswaddled. i guess this is just a taste of what your teenage years will be like.


this month we have also been doing a lot more tummy time, and you are getting really good at holding your head up. you even grin and seem to enjoy it at first sometimes, especially when i give you a lot of verbal encouragement. you like to be cheered on, that's for sure. it's really cute to watch you scrabbling around with your hands and feet and finally push your shoulders up. you kind of look like an upside-down turtle, when they get turned on their backs and their legs wave helplessly in the air. we usually get about five good minutes in and then you start to melt down, though i usually make you stay there for another minute or two after you start fussing because i don't want you to learn that you can fuss your way out of the hard things in life.


i'm sorry that i do that, even though it is for your own good. it breaks my heart to listen to you crying and watch you so frustrated and upset. i'm sorry for all the awful things in life that you have to endure, shots and dirty diapers and 8 hours stuck in your carseat and bored. i'm sorry i have to pull clothes over your head and swaddle you and that sometimes i have to do things like laundry and cook dinner and you can't be attached to me 24/7. it's frustrating but ultimately it's sad, because i know that before long you'll be fourteen and won't want to have anything to do with me, and all i will be able to see is the baby who grins up at me when i rescue her from the loneliness of her crib.


i love you, my banana.
love,
mama

love letters: month two

dear hannah,

today you are two months old!

it is crazy to me to think how much our lives have changed in just two short months, and how much you have changed. you are so much bigger now than you were even just last month! i'll probably be saying that for the rest of my life. i realized this month how wonderful and heartbreaking it is, all at the same time, to watch your children grow. i am so excited to see you grow and to see the person you'll become, and at the same time i want to keep you teeny forever. daddy just can't wait until you can talk and tell us what you want. this whole crying-as-communication business you have going on is really getting to him.


you weigh twelve pounds now and you have grown almost three inches since you were born. grandma pam says you're quite the little porker! you eat like nobody's business, and you are starting to fit into 3-month sized clothes. i guess that is kind of a good thing, because we didn't have a ton of clothes to fit you in the smaller size, and we have mountains of 3-month clothes. i counted - you have over 40 onesies alone. not to mention the other things, cute little dresses and pants and tee shirts. if you could please stop growing for a little while so we can get some use out of all these clothes your father and i would be very much appreciative.


this month we celebrated your first fourth of july, independence day. you wore the dress i made you before you were born, even though it was a little bit big for you. i think it might fit you better on labor day or maybe even veteran's day this year. well, oh well. that's what you get with a mom who sews. you and i had a quiet day and just relaxed; daddy had to work but he brought home tri-tip from the barbecue at work and boy was it ever yummy. daddy wanted fireworks so you and i went out and got some for him, and that night we sat on the blanket on the tiny slope of our front lawn and watched daddy light them for us in the street. you watched the bright lights (i hope we didn't blind you) and then fell asleep. how could you sleep through all that noise?


i wanted to start the same kind of tradition as when i was a little girl. we lived in tacoma where fireworks are also legal (they aren't legal where i grew up in san diego county). every fourth, we would go over to my aunt pam and uncle harry's house in federal way for a barbecue. we would light sparklers and write our names in the air. they had a generous front lawn with a steeper slope - a hill, really - and my uncle harry, your grandpa mark, and your great-grandpa hap (who is doing fine now, by the way, and you'll get to meet him in august when we go down for aunt alice's wedding) would light the fireworks for us in the street. sometimes they wouldn't go off, and we would yell, "dud!" but mostly they would explode in a shower of bright colors and noise and we would ooh and ahh and applaud.



speaking of sleep, you having started cooing and giggling in your sleep. it's the cutest thing ever and it's nice to know you are having sweet dreams. (of what? boobs? tickles? dry diapers? you don't know much else yet.) the first time you cooed, i put you in your crib to sleep and immediately called your father to tell him. he said, i guess you had to be there? i guess, but it's still awesome to me and i don't want to ever forget it. i'm now trying to figure out how to predict when you'll do it, so he can see also because i don't think he really believes me.


this month you have become even more alert than ever. i think it's because you're sleeping so well through the night. usually you sleep 6+ hours at a stretch and some nights you bless me with 8 continuous hours of sleep. of course, when you wake up you scream to high heaven because during that time we have been depriving you of food and you are SO HUNGRY OH MY LORD FEED ME NOW, but to me that is a small price to pay for some much-needed rest. you continue to fight against the swaddle i put you in at night and i continue to do it, because you really do sleep so much better when you are swaddled. besides, i outweigh you by about twelve times and i like to abuse my power, and you are so cute when i unswaddle you in the mornings and your arms pop up.


the best part about you being alert is that you have learned to smile and laugh, and you are responding to us. you are so unhappy to have a wet diaper, but the moment i take it off it's like i have a brand-new baby. all you can do is grin and giggle and coo. you love to be tickled and when i kiss you, you squinch your body up and wiggle and coo. daddy talks to you when he holds you and you smile at him and coo back to him. in the past day or two you have started flirting a little also, coyly turning your head and peeking out of the corner of your eye as you give us a bashful little smile, and i am terrified to think of what you will be like in 14 years when you discover boys.


your smile is the best thing about my day, and i can tell it is the best thing about daddy's day as well. he started a new position this month and it has been super stressful, but when he comes home at night and sees you grinning at him, i can see all the stress of the day just evaporate from his shoulders. he just melts when you smile at him. i know you will be mad at us sometimes, and you'll slam doors and cry, as we try to balance your desires against what we feel is best for you, and i just pray that you never forget to smile at us and melt our hearts once more.

i love you, sweetheart.
love,
mama